My thoughts on life, relationships, and everything else!

Friday, July 30, 2004

Suicide: if others are involved...Shouldn't they be held responsible??

A few days ago, a guy that I was fairly close to in High School took his own life in a game of Russian roulette. What seems to hurt more than the fact that he is gone, is that other people assisted him in this. He lost his life, and they have "nothing to do with it"...I think that if you are sitting there, doing something like that, you are just about as responsible for their death as they are. I think something like that should be considered assisted suicide and tried the same as euthanasia. It shouldn't be taken so lightly.

It was really weird to me. I actually saw him that morning, we were at the store, gave each other a casual hello and a smile like normal...Everything seemed fine. The next morning I get a call that someone committed suicide and I find out later it was him. I knew he was going through a lot, but I thought he had it sorted out. I'm just really curious as to why someone would do that in the first place.

I think if we sit back and think about it for a moment, our generation is dying off. Everyday i check the obits just to see if another one of us died yesterday.A lot of the time, someone has. I am grateful everyday that I am still here, and I think we should all appreciate the time we are allowed here, make the most of it, and thank God for everything he has blessed us with: you never know when your time here ends.

anapride:a huge oxymoron that is killing our teens

this absolutely disgusted and horrified me when I first heard about it. I was reading one of those tabloids while waiting in line at the store, When I came across one of the Mary-Kate Olsen articles. It was talking about her wearing an Ana-pride support bracelet, a pink string tied around your wrist to remind you not to eat, or to purge if you do.

Ana-pride is anything but pride. It is a movement currently sweeping the nation,especially among young women, where the quest to become thin is getting ridiculous. But there is more to being pro-ana or pro-mia(bulimia) than just these, I know from experience. I think that is why This disgusts me so much, I have been a sufferer of both(at separate times) since I was in the second grade. My story is the same story you will hear from almost every sufferer, and most don't even realize they have a disorder.

I was super skinny from birth until about 6, but everyone thought I was so tiny and cute, then my Dr. made me gain weight, suddenly I went from cute and tiny, to the ' adorable pudgy girl".....No one likes to be referred to as pudgy. The breaking point was when a girl had told me that I would be popular if I lost 20 pounds....So I did.  But then I got the attention again...So I decided "hey if I lose more, I will look even better", so it was anever ending cycle. By about fourth grade I had been in counseling for awhile (my Dr. Thought it may be stress ) and the Counselor diagnosed me with anorexia...She couldn't tell my grandmother by law, so if I improved, it was up to me. I didn't. It took me actually watching a girl come in for therapy who was a sufferer  that made me realize how serious of a disease this is. She was in her teens, and probably weighed less than I did. She was so sick she could barely walk, and couldn't live a normal life because she was too frail....I knew something Had to change. It took until around my freshman year of high school to get back to a healthy weight, and I still slip every once and a while. I had a bout with bulimia in December  and lost around 25 lbs, and I still have a weight chart the Dr  gave me so I can maintain a healthy weight, not one that I think looks well.

Most people don't realize how serious it really is...People die from this. If it goes untreated they will starve to death and never regret a second. You feel as if you are worthless,  dirty, fat and ugly. You feel like your only goal is to be a certain weight. That is your life. The greatest help to me is my faith in God. If you live a spirit filled life, The void is filled, and you know there is more to you than you outer being..Again, like I said ,you fall, but you atleast have something to cling to. Nothing else has that kind of power. And I am greatful everyday for what God has done for me. So, I f you know someone who you even suspect may have a problem HELP THEM! Don't just stand by. It isn't something they are going to come out about, and they probably don't realize what is going on. And the best thing is for them to have support and people who truly care.

Definitions

treatment information and referrals

Thursday, July 29, 2004

For anyone who actually remembers this show....

you are hot...jk..Linka is though....


Who are you in Captain Planet?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am "the hot girl" according to the quiz..lol...yes I know, I so got this from chris' blog...But I was bored. I sometimes wonder if by giving her the power of wind, someone was trying to make a comment about women...Just wondering.

There is another real post coming eventually... Until then "the power is yours"..ok I'm done with the corniness now

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

One of these churches is not like the other

Just because a church is the same denom...Doesn't mean its the same.

Within a denomination, the churches may have the same doctrine and basic beliefs, but may have disagreements on many of the other things. You can go to one church, and they feel that a knee length skirt is appropriate for church, whereas you may go to another and find it distasteful, with them both being the same denomination...But most of the differences go far beyond that.

The Baptists are a excellent example of this. You can go to one Baptist church, and they pray for people, lay hands on them and anoint them with oil, another may not believe in healing of that sort, and the one down the street doesn't believe that God heals at all. All three of these are considered the same church, but believe very differently. The Assemblies of god are another good example(my pastor touched on this Sunday night). Some are wonderful and somewhat open minded,they are all about prayer and your personal relationship with God and are nothing like the stereotypes set against the AofG, then there are others that are truly considered"holy rollers", are more like a show than a church, and some get just plain freaky. My ex actually went to an A of G where they prayed with snakes and stuff, way out of the ordinary. The church I go to is a place to worship God, the pastor gives awesome sermons, and there are no snakes..(I like that). mormons, Catholics,and Baptists all have several different types of churches within the same denomination,with different beliefs, and they don't specify which one they are. You just have to go and hope its the same.

This just proves that you can't tell what a church believes in by the denomination listed on the sign. Actually finding a church takes a lot of time, effort, and trying out a lot of services. I'm not saying that keeping with a denomination is not important, because each denom has a core set of beliefs and doctrine, but you can't just walk into a Methodist church and just assume everything will be the same as your old church and they will believe exactly the same.

Monday, July 26, 2004

kindness

I was totally uphauled today at how insensitive and uncaring people have become. I was stuck in traffic in front of the post office and there was an elderly woman trying to get up the stairs. She was carrying a oxygen cart and a box, and was struggling...but instead of helping her, people rushed by, many actually bumping into her. I see this woman around town quite a bit and people treat her like this in general, she has no car and is forced to walk everywhere, I dont think she speaks very much english either. She is considered an outcast and is treated as so.I have helped this woman before(crossing a street since she cant see well, offering to call her a cab, etc.) and is a sweet and greatful elderly lady, but others just dont see that, she is poor, and treated horribly. Whats even more sad is that there are alot of people out there who are treated like this by "christian" people. People just don't seem to care about people who aren't like themselves. It reminds me of the Stacie Orrico song "instead". when we  see someone different, we need to think about what it would be like to be them.Also, i tend to feel like most americans are living in a fantasy world..that all is well. We don't want to realize that there is famine and disease throughout the world( like in Sudan, as shown on Chris' blog) or even in our own country. I think we all just need to wake up, and realize the world isn't always what we think it is.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

The ant and the contact lens

This was an awesome story I had emailed to me today and this seems far less anoying than forwarding it...enjoy!

This is a true story by Josh and Karen Zarandona. Brenda was a young woman who was invited to gorock climbing. Although she was very scared, she went with her group to a tremendous granitecliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took hold of the rope, and started upthe face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, thesafety rope snapped against Brenda's eye andknocked out her contact lens.

Well, here she is, on a rock ledge, withhundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feetabove her. Of course, she looked and lookedand looked, hoping it had landed on the ledge,but it just wasn't there.  Here she was, far from home, her sight nowblurry. She was desperate and began to getupset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her tofind it.When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down,despondent, with the rest of the party, waitingfor the rest of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth." She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone andleaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."

Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff.One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?" Well, that would be startling enough, but do you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it on it's back. Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist.When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, "God, I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will." God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source ofexistence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing,but with Him...I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)

Hell: is it real...Or made up for a lil extra"umph"

Believe it or not, many churches deny the existence of hell...Or just conveniently forget to mention it ."It was just put in the bible to add a little color"

Take the Mormons for example: they believe that there is no hell, but three levels of heaven. The first is for sinners who have not repented(kinda like a purgatory), the second is for those who are Christians, but are not Mormon, then the third level of heaven, which is the closest to God, is for devout mormons only. There are also those pastors who are afraid of scaring off people, so they avoid any thing that may even touch on"the h word".

Also, although it may sound disrespectful of me to say this: but funerals. We always talk about "how we will see them in heaven someday" even if they were atheists why denied God and live horribly immoral lives. It would be kind of awful to say "they are frying as we speak", but I just don't think it's right to lie either. They should just avoid discussing where a person is at that moment.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Who's the boss?

I know way too many couples who are currently getting married, Or that this problem is killing their marriage, so I just had to write about it.

Although I have very little experience in this area, The debate over who is the head of the household and how it should be ran seems to be a pretty heated. The man says that he is the head of household, so he expects her to do whatever he wants and she has absolutely no say in anything...Or the woman feels that she works harder and brings home more money, so she should have more say. But what does the bible say? Ephesians 5: 21-31 gives the best explanation of this. Yes, it does say that the man is the head of the household, but it also says he should love his wife, as he would himself. He should help her grow spiritually(washing of the word), not hinder her faith. Submission plays another huge part in the success of a marriage. 1 Peter 3:1-7 tells us that women are to submit unto their husbands but, should also remain godly, but men should respect their wives,and walk together, not in front not behind, but beside their wives through life.Aalso, neither is more important than the other: man and woman have different roles, and are created differently, but are both made in the image of God and contribute different aspects of him ( Gen. 1:26-27, 2:15-18). I have more than once
heard it put as "women display the affectionate and nurturing side of God and men display the more aggressive and powerful side". Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make it sound like men can't be nurturing or affectionate and women can't be strong, but both sexes have their place, their duties, and different responsibilities. Men are to be leaders, not dictators... And women are to be more of an assistant, helpful and make sure things work out, rather than a competitor.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Misunderstanding "Christians": Part two of my faith journey and conclusion to my first post

 My Grandmother and I were talking about me choosing a church yesterday, and she gave me a very different kind of response. She told me that " I'f your going to do this whole God thing, you need to pick a kind of church.....Baptist of course, because they aren't weird". Very open minded response (jk). I asked her what happens if i go to another church and I pretty much got an" if it isn't Baptist or AofG...you are  in alot of trouble, but some A of G are still pretty weird". I blame this kind of response mostly on the fact that most Churches anymore  are at war....with each other. the A of G attack the Baptists, The Church of God goes after the Methodists, and, well, the Baptists don't like anyone.....they dont even like other kinds of Baptists. I'ts insane! I have actually sat through sermons over "why our church is the right church and why other churches are going to fry" .  Also, many people are lead to belive that it doesn't matter whether or not you believe what your church preaches, as long as you are there....but then how do you learn about God and feel open to praise and worship him, if you feel like most of the things at your church are a bunch of bull? It distracts frm my focus personally. This is actually one of the biggest reasons why I have tried so many churches. I grew up baptist, from Birth until 14, And it was all good, until I started actually thinking about what they were preaching. They were denying that alot of biblical things occured how the bible has it. If it didn't really happen, wouldn't God have put an "ok, not really" somewhere?( I actually asked my sunday school teacher that, she just gave me a dirty look)then i started going with friends to a few other churches; Methodist, Church of God,Catholic, I even went to a Mormon baptism( that scared me so bad my friend and I ran out of the church, and started praying in the hallways clear to the car) but about 75% of the time the sermon, somewhere in it, had "our church is the only church going to heaven". I personally believe that Jesus, accepting him as our lord and savior, has a little more say in our acceptance into heaven than" oh, you were an Southern Baptist who didn't pay your tithes last sunday" Don't get me wrong, Doing what you are supposed to do, and actually following Gods word aren't exactly bad ideas, but I don't feel that they are the true core of being saved and your acceptance into heaven. But on with my story. After the many church search, I currently attend an Assembly of God church.Our pastor is awesome(he's my best friends dad, but he honestly is great), and I agree with the sermons and everything most of the time, but still find myself sitting in the pew sometimes, wondering if I am in the right place. I don't totally agree with everything they believe ( more on that in a later post) but have also been told that most people don't believe everything their church believes in.....But I'm picky. I want to go to a church where we all believe the same way..is that too much to ask?  So, i am still in persuit of a church that isn't judgemental against other churches, believes in the bible fully, and quite so hard core on the"getting filled with the holy spirit" thing....im so unsure about that part of A of G and am still searching for the truth on that one.  My search contenues.......

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Friends first: It took me like, three years, but I fully get it now!

I feel dumb.....Not just dumb, but turbo dumb. Chris' comment on my last post (although he has been telling me the same thing for a year now) made me understand what the "friends first" approach to relationships fully entails. When I had first heard about the one you will love being your "best friend first" I just thought you got to know the person, be friends..Then date....WRONG!!!.... That just makes things worse because then you don't just lose a boyfriend/girlfriend....You lose a friend. Pointless. But if you just don't date, and let things go as they go, then its a lot better. If God means for you to be with that person, they will be in your life....Dating or otherwise, so why make it harder than it is!  I have a real post almost finished, I promise. it will get posted sometime this week.....

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Why I'm still "The Single One"

For anyone who knows about teen girl squad(bek, you hafta see #5, THREE PIECE!!!)you know there is one missing....."the always single one" (the ugly one and whats her face probably dont get too many dates either, but anyways) . Out of every group of friends, there is always that one who just can't keep a signifigant other, no matter how great they are, and that's me. Here's a little history of me on this subject.

I't started out with me not having time to look, I enjoyed the singleness...but it gets old. Then comes the blind dates...those never go well...expecially when you and your best friend are on a blind double date with a guy people think is your dad and the human soda machine..enough said. Then there was the former love of my life, The guy looking for a good hookup and lived a secret life, that lasted a whole six months. A few various "Your hott, lets hook up! Oh, your a Christian,nevermind"'s and a couple e-people...those don't normally work out right either. There's only one of those I would consider dating now, but he live's too far away right now to do much about it( you know who you are**huge hugs**). Now I am the "not married yet" one but, ya, that about summarizes it.

People anymore(especially non-christians) don't seem to have much commitment ability. People date for fun, not for marriage, which makes it really hard when you are only 20-years-old and ready to settle down already. Our society focuses more on the "love 'em and leave 'em" lifestyle than the courtship that it used to.

My question is Where do you meet someone great? Is there a place where I can just walk up and order "One Christian man, fairly attractive with a wonderful personality, interest in missions, and will love me forever. side order of loves kids, and a tall glass of adventure."? If you find one..let me know. Until then...I'll keep looking

Monday, July 12, 2004

Is my skirt too short??? Modest dress in the modern world

If you look around you, you will probably notice that clothes are getting a little more revealing than they used to be. Shirts are getting shorter, shirts are getting tighter, and well, jeans don't even cover your naughty bits anymore(for guys or girls). So what I am left wondering is what is ok to wear without dressing like a nun. There are obvious signs your clothing is inappropriate:body parts that are usually covered by undies are fully exposed, you cant breathe because your clothes are too tight, people mistake you for a prostitute....etc. But then there are the more blurry areas, such as: is a tiny bit of cleavage ok? How short is too short for a skirt, are these pants cut too low...So on and so forth. There are many different ideas on where the line is drawn.

The United Pentecostal Church(UPC) is one example. At a UPC, it is believed that a woman is not to wear pants because it is believed that it is a man's apparel, also makeup and haircuts are also forbidden(in some UPC churches, not all) because it is hiding what God created and is found inappropriate. Another belief of the UPC is that shorts and anything exposing the body is also inappropriate and "exhibitionistic". In contrast, there are Churches who tell you that as long as it came out of the gender appropriate section of the store, and it isn't showing your naughty bits..it's ok....so if I walked around town in super lo rise jeans and a see thru shirt..it's ok...umm...no,I don't think so. Growing up as a Baptist, I was taught that for a woman, skirts and shorts should be mid knee or below, pants are to be feminine, and your shirt better cover your chi-chi's. No skin was to be shown between your pants and your shirt and if it did....Oooh! You were in trouble!
And I was fine with this.....Until I discovered the mini skirt, the biggest dilemma and most fabulous leg lengthener ever!(which is important when your only 5 feet tall) I wouldn't wear one to church, but is it so wrong to wear a mid thigh skirt? Especially if your wearing tall boots and a sweater? It's hard to say. For guys this is a little easier. Unless your like one creepy guy I went to H.S. with, who wore men's lo rise jeans sans undies, your usually pretty covered up. The worst thing is to show your boxers, which is tacky and gross, but not that bad and most know better. But thenm, guys still are faced with the choice of so tight they cant hardly walk, or so loose they fall off...so i guess it evens out. I think the best thing is to wear what you are comfortable in, make sure your covered, and don't wear see thru clothing!

Friday, July 09, 2004

Cool Christians

Here lately I have been put in some strange situations...Not for the normal reasons, but because I suffer from "cool Christian" syndrome(CCS). CCS is the condition where people, mostly Non-Christians, find it hard to believe you are a Christian. Not because you have and attitude problem or have behavior problems, but because you act like they do and don't spend your Friday Nights playing Bible bingo (not that there's anything wrong with it, but you know what I mean). Non-Christians have a tendency to set a strange stereotype that all Christians walk around, quoting scripture all day and criticizing people, we can't be normal..of course not! But, as odd as it seems, some churches feel this way too. I Remember as a youth(I was probably 15 or 16) at a Baptist church, our youth pastor did a lesson on that and pointed out that "If the world thinks your cool, you must be doing something wrong". The world can think your cool, while you still stick to your beliefs and live your life for God, can't they? There can be huge benefits to CCS though. Most people(especially younger adults) are more likely to trust, and to listen to someone like them, who they know has been in the same situations. It can provide a great opportunity for witnessing and for helping others. So my big question is what's so bad about it?

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Who came first? God or Jesus???My struggle with the trinity

Too many churches ask this question. It is a question I found strange, but valid, in an odd sort of way. Were God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all three together in the beginning? Did they suddenly separate? Or what happened there?Where does one end and the other begin, and how are they three but one?But I have come to realize that the trinity is not comprehendable: you must just believe, and not analyze it.

Many Mormon churches(which is where my title came from btw),teach that "God came first, then created the other two, then created the earth, with the other three assisting".There are many opinions on this. A lot of other churches will tell you about the 3-in-1 thing, but nothing more...why? Because they don't know, and they will tell you so. But not all churches are like that, and some pastors will try to explain it to you the best that it can be explained, but the problem is again, you cant comprehend it, its like trying to fit an elephant into a matchbox, its not going to work out right and only pieces fit. You end up with all these metaphores, that confuse you even more, or give you the wrong impression.... the Water one for example. I think most people have heard this one at some point,where the Father is water, Jesus is ice, and the holy spirit is water. They are all H2O, but the water(the father) is the beginning; the ice(Jesus) is the solid form, the body; and the water vapor( the holy spirit)is present even when you cant see it. Some compare it to an egg( which I still don't understand) or a branch, with three twigs: the twigs are separate, but still make up the branch...etc. The most common idea of how to explain the trinity is what I like to call the pieces analogy. Just like there are three parts that supposedly make up a person(body, mind, and spirit) so there is to God. God the father is his mind, God the son is his body, and God the holy spirit is his soul, but this also is incredibly wrong. No matter how you go about it, you can never fully explain the trinity or why it is how it is and not tatally confuse someone even worse.But what I would like to know is why is it so hard for us to stop thinking and just believe???

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

manners

I know this post is off subject and makes two in one day...but i have seen sooo much of this i can't stand it!!!


I was looking through an address book of my late grandmothers today, and was surprised by how impolite we have all become. There was the normal things in there, adresses and phone numbers of people of course, but then there were the additional things people don't seem to worry about as much anymore.The persons occupation, whether or not it was ok to send them gifts or thank you cards to work,what hours were most convenient for THEM, not you, that sort of thing. Some people do still worry about these things..but most don't.

And, while I am on the subject, What ever happened to "thank you" cards? I was always taught( by my grandmother) to always send thank you cards, no matter how small the gift.Most people, if they send thank you cards, just do for large occasion gifts.

Another lost art is table manners. There is nothing like sitting down in a nice restraunt(or even Mc Donald's)and getting to watch someone slurp, gulp, and strow food all evening.Or watching a parent teach their two year old how to launch food out of their nose..lovely.But those are usually the parents who teach their kids to play "hit the pedestrian" too.its kinda sad :(

Alcohol....Too holy? Drunken idiot? Is there an in between?

This is one subject that is constantly argued until everyone's blue in the face...is it a sin to drink?

Many churches believe that it is unholy to drink , and I have no idea where they get it. I have seen in the Bible, in many spots actually, where it does talk about drinking to the point of intoxication as being immoral, but I haven't found anywhere that it says that drinking is an actual sin. Jesus drank wine, if Jesus did it, i think odds are its ok.
On the other hand, I have seen people who believe that, since its not a sin, drinking until you puke or pass out is perfectly fine. I have heard tons of stories(from people involved, none the less) of catholic keggers and of church based frat parties where people would drink to the point of alcohol poisoning. To those people, I say you are very wrong! Drinking alcohol to the point of intoxication is frowned upon in the bible(Ephesians 5:18 and Proverbs 20:1 for example)and leads to many other sins. And yes, it counts as a sin when you are inebriated. Drunkenness can be a very dangerous thing, it's rather unhealthy, causes serious problems, and honestly isn't worth what you go through the next day.
Drinking is perfectly fine, as long as it is done like anything else..in moderation.

Another thing is, how far can you go before you are considered drunk?? The legal limit? A good buzz? Passed out? Everyone has a different opinion on it. Some say it is the point where you stop making rational decisions...but isn't that too late?


Joy, happiness, and forgiveness should come from the Lord, not a bottle.

Monday, July 05, 2004

This is my first post..So please bear with me

I was sitting at a family barbecue yesterday, talking to my aunt when she starting talking about something that caught me off guard, but thrilled me at the same time: how churches change their doctrine constantly anymore and no one seems to know the truth. It made me happy just for the fact that now I knew I wasn't the only person out there who felt that way, and who was wondering what the truth really is.
I have had this problem for some time now. I would go to a church for a while, then they would start teaching something that just was not true. Things that just are not in the Bible at all, like its ok to break the commandments in certain situations, or that if you do something....repeatedly, its ok as long as you ask for forgiveness right after you do it. At first, wondered if Christianity just wasn't the right religion, so I started searching. I tried Buddhism,Hinduism, and several others...but it just wasn't right. I knew that God was the one true god, But not quite how to worship him correctly and how to live my life to serve him, and that is the problem that a lot of people are having now.
So, I have decided this is what my blog will be about. The journey many people are taking right now,the search for the truth and the church that speaks it. The knowledge to know how to live our lives correctly, learn what is unacceptable, and how to tell the truth from the lies. I hope you find this at least a little interesting, and it makes you think a little!