My thoughts on life, relationships, and everything else!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

"The man from Minnesota" and why I haven't posted in forever!!

I have been so busy here lately trying to put my life together. I have decided to start my own business (finally) and everything in my life is starting to fall into place and make sense except for one thing....I have no one to enjoy it with. I know I have wrote about singleness plenty, but it all started with a man from Minnesota.

I had just turned 18 when I met him one night and I thought he was the most horrid man I had ever met! After pulling me and my friends over in his truck(we were in my friends car) he struts up to the car, chest puffed out and acts like because he was a combat engineer in the army, he was it. He and his friend in the truck asked for our names and my friends all told him theirs and about themselves, but when it came to me, I told him I was krysta from Austin TX and I wasn't interested in what he's got. It all went on and he got my friends numbers...And unfortunately mine with my real name from the driver. Both of my friends that night were wondering who was getting called and hoping that one or the other of the guys would pick them (we were having a sleep over) but I just went to sleep because i just really didn't care. Next day the phone rings at my friends house....It was the guy from the night before looking for me! We arranged a "date", since "no" wasn't in his vocabulary, and I had a plan.I had an arsenal of weapons just in case he was a freak, I dressed horribly and didn't even shower that day, just to gross him out.I tried being rude, but the he just reached for my hand...And I melted. We went out for 6 mos and had our share of hard times, but we toughed it out and had even planned our wedding, then I found out the truth. One night when I was at his house watching movies, he had called me by another girls name! I asked him about it and he denied it, then he did it again later. I acted like nothing was wrong and when he fell asleep I started looking at his pictures. He had a pic of a girl in a frame and it looked like it had hearts on the back, along with a pic of a baby that looked just like him! Not to mention curious deductions on his bank statement. After that it was over, we got in a fight and he called me the next day from Iowa to break up with me and to tell me that after everything, he never even loved me. that was the end of that and any relationship with any guy since. Anytime I'm with a guy I always feel like he's going to do the same thing. Like I will fall for him, and find out he's using me(and unfortunately its true usually) so, right now, I am burying the last memories of the man from Minnesota. From now on I am starting anew. My relationship with him was a fairy tale, it wasn't true, and should be treated as so.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Why I too..Am a mean girl

When I watched the movie "Mean girls", I thought about how the burn book sounded so awful! (for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, a burn book is a book full of pictures of people you don't like with awful comment about them) But once I got home,. I started looking through my high school yearbooks for a project I am working on and was shocked! Low and behold....My personal burn books. Every year me and my friends and each year one friend more than the others) had singled out in some way who was great and who was a loser. There were good things next to people like"ooh!! He is super hott!!!" and "I loooove her hair!!" but then for each one of those there is two untypeable phrases (done by the other person, I don't use those words), eeeeew!! Or a schules schwein von kuh, which is German for homosexual pig of a cow .If you thought this was bad enough....It only gets worse. I think of all of the horrid things i have done over the years to people for the sake of popularity and status, and am so sorry....but i think the most important ting is that i have changed, and am better because of it.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Ha, Ha! Look at the midget carrying that box bigger than it, oh wait!! Its a girl!!!

Then it turns into "oh, you cant do that, your too tiny. Why is it that people just assume that if you are a smaller person, especially a female, that you are incapable of doing anything? It's not so bad when people are genuinely concerned because you look like you are struggling, or that you can't lift it properly so they ask to help, But I have actually had people tell me I cant do things because I am too little, or it might ruin my looks. Like lifting boxes that are heavy. If it is the right size, despite the weight, I can lift it more safely than a large lighter box, but people don't see it that way, and if I was really worried about getting bruises or breaking something, would I hike and rock climb?No..Don't think so. Also, some people actually have issues with me getting so much attention for my size. I had one person one time actually tell me to my face that I may be little, but my "little miss tiny act" wasn't going to work on them, I'm like..ummm..Its not an act, just because I'm short and nice does not mean I'm going to automatically milk it for all that its worth. It is nice to get extra attention and help when you need it, but there is too much, I like to do things for myself. When I was in the guard was when I was the happiest. There were a few people who would baby me and try to make it easy, but in general I was treated just like I was 6 feet tall and burly. I'm talking to a recruiter tomorrow about getting back in, maybe as an aeronautics engineer or a lawyer, possibly administration again. I miss actually being able to be around people who take my size into consideration when it comes to safety, but don't care beyond that. God gave me arms for a reason..I'm going to use them!!!!