My thoughts on life, relationships, and everything else!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

today was the first......

I really hate admitting it, but I think today was the first time in a long time (if ever) that I went to church and had an entire service truely touch my heart. usually, I get into a couple praise and worship songs, get emotional whenever there is a service over redemption, Jesus dying for our sins, or forgiveness, and never really pay full attention to most of the other sermons (I have a really short attention span), then pray whole heartedly at the end. It's not because I feel like my just being there is going to get me to heaven,or that it is an obligation, or anything like that....I just that for some reason, I find it hard to truely worship at church. I know, It's wrong and weird, but true. I worship God and study his word home alot, and I love the Lord fully and am a true believer, but i just feel uncomfortable worshipping in most churches. There is just something about being there that henders me from fully putting my heart into it, but this sunday was different. I don't know if it was because something in me changed, or if maybe it was the 3 month semi-break I took from church to sort things out, or the fact 3 days earlier I had the luckiest/dumbest night of my life, but when I went this sunday, everything was different. Every one of the standard hymns I sang seemed to make sense now, I knew what it was to truely praise and worship him, the times of prayer were heartfelt and joyful. I went throughout the whole church service worshipping and praising, not just going through the motions. It is like all of this time my soul has been imprisoned and just let out at certain times, but is finally now free.