My thoughts on life, relationships, and everything else!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Why can't we be friends?

It's the question almost always asked at some point after a break-up.....Can be stay "just friends" after this? I am wondering this right now. ok, so a few weeks ago, a couple days after my last post, we broke up. well, actually let me backtrack. I told him he had to make a decision because I wasn't going to wait fo him to make a decision for forever and I had more important things to worry about than his indecisiveness. Yes, this was harsh, but It's how we both are. anywho, he tells me to come over so we can talk so i do. we decide just to take it slow and date or hang out, and then after a huge misunderstanding where he thought I said everything we ever did was meaningless everything seemed OK...almost. then the next day I call to see what time we were leaving to go somewhere and yells at me.... The real me....that didn't go so well and when i went to his house he pouted and broke it off with me. I was done and of course, went back to the partying, flirting, career driven me. so i hadn't heard from him in over a week, and he removed me from his friends list on MYSPACE (how low is that?)and everything, then BOOM! one night i am out with the girls swapping crappy man stories over a blue hawiian, and I get a text message out of nowhere from him making sure I don't hate him. I ask the same thing and after calling, him, accidentally hanging up, and calling back to apologize to his voicemail, We go on just texting occasional updated to each other (I am still not back on his myspace, and I am so not asking for an add). Well, today, he texts me to ask if we can hang out tomorrow. I told him to call me with a plan and we will see. most of my friends think it's a booty call or mind games, but the closest ones to both of us thinks he might actually miss me. I am ok with us hanging out and everything, but it would take alot for me to ever go back to him. he would have to prove to me that his is every bit as willing as I am to try to fix things and would have to prove that he can be the man in my previous post all of the time, not just once in a while.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The "Let's take a break" BS and what I deserve

I know I haven't posted in forever, but i feel it's time to revive this blog....Way to much going on not to!

This is the dumbest concept ever....The relationship "break". Either break up with me, or don't. It's up to you...but DON'T pull the "I don't know what I want, so I think I need a period of time where I make you wait to see if I miss you", this makes even less since if you keep talking to me during this "break". I hate the break....I DISPISE the break. to me, a break is prolonging the agony of a break up. This is my attitude given my current situation. OK, so I was dating this guy for 6 weeks to the day. It was one of those met one night, waited two weeks to get together then spent every moment since together things. For those who know me well, have read this blog before it was edited, or read all three blogs, you know this is a very odd occurance for me. I am the "ok, whatever...I pretend to care but I really don't" queen. Problem here is... I cared, like genuinely cared. He wasnt married, He never cheated, He didn't even go psycho on me.....but I did on him. I think It's just impossible for me to be happy ..period... I have to screw it up...but anyways...back to the point. After my stressed induced fits, he decides we need a break so he can think without me there. I told him I would rather break up and if we get back together eventually, then fine. but no.....he wants the dreaded break, so I reluctantly agree (yet again...so not me). I am day three into this break thing and I have done more thinking than he probably has. It's kinda hard since He still calls me and yes I did call him for 5 seconds yesterday, but just to apologize for sounding bitchy when he called me and to tell him I do want to be friends afterwards, We had alot of fun hanging out with his friends and alone even. with all this "thinking time" I have decided to go back to my old ways, like pre-sexy sgt. McDreamy old me. I am career driven, goal oriented, and if you can't go with it...tough...I just really don't care. When you prove you care about me, I might open up and start to care about you. I know what I want in a man. I know what I need and what kind of man it would take to survive long term. I need attention, I need to know I am the most important woman in the room to you, I need to know that you will stand by me through the all-nighters, the finals weeks and the 100+ hour school and work weeks. These are not only the things I need from a man, but I think they are things I deserve, and things I would willingly give in return if given to me. Short term is fun, and I probably should stick with it, but it doesn't always stay short term and that's when bad things happen. no one get's what they want or expect, then you waste time, money, and oppertunities trying to figure out what you want with "breaks". If this one ends up coming back to me, then good. He knows what he is dealing with and is willing to be that man, which honestly I think he easily could be. I have took responsibility for my actions, made my expectations clear and have done my part, so now it's his turn to decide what he wants.